Intermission II - Stagnant Thought

While all treatment has temporarily halted while I am on the antibiotics to treat the staph infection and I’ve been mainly been confined to my room for most of the past week that I’ve been out of the hospital I’ve had a great deal of time to think, in between sleeping ‘til early into the evening and attempting to move things around and put the mess that was made of various papers and home health supplies.

I assume that a great deal of the time that I’ll be undergoing the treatment will be spent alone in my room, probably feeling similarly to how I feel now, is it hot? is it cold? why can’t it be colder? And while a great deal of work lies before me right now, and by work I don’t necessarily mean school work or any sort of professional work, I mean lots of half-thought through ideas and half-started projects that I’ve accumulated over the past half-decade that I’d like to actually put the time into while i’ve got it to actually do something with, not because they were particularly good or worthwhile, but really…just because they are something to do.

At any rate without getting too in-depth into the reasoning behind any of the projects that I will be working on throughout the extent of my treatment here are the endeavors that I can run off the top of my head: several anthropological studies on cancer patients, receiving pharmacy technician certification, working on the structure and content of three or four different self-publications (books/zines) - the content from here will undoubtedly be included in one of the books but will probably first surface as it’s own zine, mail-order company/distro, clothing company, record label (how i’ve let this nightmare experience manage to grasp me again, i don’t know), several music projects, poster silkscreening, the bettering of my drawing/painting/graphic design skills because they are garbage as of right now. There’s got to be at least fifteen to twenty more ideas that have fallen into the deeper cobwebs of my mind, I thought I’d share to try and emphasize that this has not slowed me down very much - but rather made a whole lot of free time for the incredible amount of things that I just never put much progressive effort towards - as an over analytical, self-depricating, perfectionist with anxiety issues…it’s really hard to try and do anything when you’ve not got everything together and this has created all the time I think I need to focus towards getting these things to a point where they’ll be manageable when I return to my normal health.

Also, a kind of nice personal side note: Jake and Nate from Converge both personally extended their well wishes to me today - granted it was on the Deathwish message board, the 13 year old in me is excited that people I would to some degree consider celebrities took the time to direct words towards me, the adult in me appreciates genuine people in the hardcore community and the gleam of hope in my heart for the future and progression of that communitt has grown a little bit more, which it seems to be doing a lot lately.